Saturday, April 16, 2011

What I Do in the Shower.

So, aside from the obvious, I find that my time in the shower tends to be devoted to the contemplation of life's most complicated matters.

For some reason some of the deepest thinking I do takes place under a stream of hot water, almost like a state of hypnotism; I soul-search, I ponder, I resolve!

Sometimes a thesis for an essay will pop into my brain and I will then curse because I have no pen and paper for which to write this fleeting moment of brilliance down. Other times, I will mull over a world issue or some sort of controversy with someone I know and formulate a strong stance on the subject for which I can later present.

Today, I was thinking about myself in a very psychoanalytical type of way. Stemming from thoughts of my adorable boyfriend, I got to thinking about past relationships and their effects on my psyche. Sometimes I think about this when I wonder why I have the insecurities that sometimes plague me.

The main problem, or at least what *I* thought was the problem at the time, was the level of expectation I had for past relationships. I had an idealized vision of what it should be like, and this was backed by skeptical input from friends and desperate internet searches that only seemed to support an indifferent stance on what is considered commitment in a relationship. I began to try and pick apart this internal conflict between what I want and what the status quo claims I *should* want in a relationship.

But THEN I realized that I have exactly what I want now, which leads me to think that there was nothing really wrong with me in the first place, which means that I can send out a collective "screw you" to all who ever a) couldn't meet my needs and b) thought I was crazy for having such needs. XD

As I stood soapy and wet and bedraggled in the shower, I also wondered why my leg was bleeding. As it turns out, deep thoughts and leg razors are a terrible combination!

...think about it.

Love,

Tasha xoxo

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