Skip to main content

Establishing S h ots.

For some reason, I have this vivid childhood something- I feel like it was a dream, obviously it was a dream. But then why does it feel like a memory?

It goes like this. Suddenly, my eyes open, and I start to pitter-patter around my house. I know I must have been very young, because I was in the first house I had ever lived, and my parents were together.

I had started in my old room- maybe there was a wooden crib and maybe there wasn't, but the real anchor to this almost 30-year-old picture in my head was this small, stuffed dog. A German Shepherd named Nero, because I called him that after my grandparents' dog. 

The stuffed version of Nero had a blue, 1st place ribbon on his chest. He must have been a showdog. I have no idea where he came from.

As I pitter-pattered, I carried Nero in my hand. Room-to-room, exploring and examining the surroundings, the sound of my parents' and my big brother's voice coming in and out of focus. The part of this memory or dream or completely imagined event that makes me question its validity is the credits.

A first-person perspective, establishing shot, and credits rolling purposefully in yellow letters across the bottom. No memory of what they said, perhaps something like "and introducing Tee". 

That would be me, and this has since been the perceivable start to my life. The beginning of a film from a third person perspective, with a running time of however long. 

Here I am.

xo, Tee.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Purging- A L i st.

- Less Facebook posts - Less junk articles (no money to pay for extra data; see first item) - Less obsessive phone-checking (see first two items; besides, your relationship with your phone is now borderline unhealthy anyway) - Less falling asleep with the computer on (studies show this is terrible for your sleep) - Less impulsive spending - Less jaw-clenching - Less ranting about your relationship - Less taking work personally - Less photos of your face, or your cat's face (with the imperative for more photos of the world around you- for posterity and the appreciation of your life) - Less nail-painting (yikes.) - Less hair-washing (double-yikes) - Less fear of the future unknown - Less comparison of your physical appearance to others (nearly impossible) - Less dread of getting out of bed in the morning - Less wish-making at 11:11 (for wishes you are too lazy/stupid/intimidated to help make come true) - Less fidgeting while listening - Less sugar (obviously) - Less ...

2022

As a teenager, one of my biggest fears was an airborne disease that would wreak havoc on the world as we knew it.  Back then, SARS was a thing, and some other weird things that I can't remember happened that year that brought me to my naiive, self-absorbed and dysfunctional little knees one afternoon while watching CNN.  I was overwhelmed. I asked my mother why it felt like the entire world was collapsing. The drama. ...and now, look where we are. It's 2022, baby - literally any fucking thing goes. - T.

The Night Owl and The Brief Boys of Our Lives.

It's weird, most nights I figure I can't sleep because I'm stressed or depressed. And yet, tonight, although I do have some things weighing on my mind, I can't sleep because I am enthusiastic about myself, and generally happy with life despite everything. I know so many of my blog posts are either vague or superficial, and that's because I want to tell you all about me without giving too much away. Seriously, I know, this doesn't make any sense because a blog is meant to not even be shared, but rather... exposed . And so, that is how I will try to approach it from now on. In late September, I ended a two-year relationship. Like, REALLY ended it. Things were about a year past being frustrating, and though I tried very hard to remedy the feeling, I felt stuck. At a "dead-end" to be the most generic and unoriginal as possible. I told him to give me back my apartment keys and leave. And so he did, and never looked back. The only time I saw him after ...