Wednesday, March 23, 2011

:: Wounds and Such

This post is about scars.

Today, at some point, I was thinking about scars.

Everyone has them.

One scar is from aimlessly tumbling down a ditch in childhood.

Another one on my knee was acquired from falling on ice.

My favourite knee scar is comprised of three parts- 1) the long remnants of a botched incision, 2) a hole in the kneecap and 3) two little "x" shaped things above aforementioned incision.

The story- at the age of fifteen, I was having the time of my life. My friends and I left school property to hang at a park. I ran and ran and laughed and laughed and rode the swing and jumped and soooooooared through the air and then landed, hard. Nothing about me has ever been the same since.

They reconstructed a ligament in my right knee. I like to think the scar signifies a sort of bravery- repeated needles, an epidural, a night in a lonely hospital bed, hallucinating by way of injected morphine doses. How badass.

There is a small scar on my eyelid that only *I* can notice, when I put eyeliner on. A reminder of firsts- first time in the ambulance, first and only time I seriously contemplated the idea that I might be blind.

I got it from my cat, who was apparently not in a good mood that day. Again, it happened when I was a teenager. With my eyelid hanging down on my face, I asked my best friend at the time via MSN to call the ambulance, as blood leaked into my eye and clouded my vision. It luckily only required a couple of stitches and I can still see, so that's the positive to the story. Here is a picture of the aftermath (obviously don't look if that kind of thing grosses you out):

Re-reading my own words, I feel pretty jaded and abashed at talking about my physical imperfections. Someone who has met with some sort of unfortunate accident will read this and be offended. Don't worry, I recognize how...irrelevant this all sounds.

What kind of scars do you have? They don't have to be physical; they can be emotional ones too. The old saying always goes "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Embracing traumatic occurrences builds a compendium of experiences that will fortify you for life ahead- and also make great stories to tell people, unless they make you look stupid. Then you usually just keep it to yourself. =p

Love, Tasha


Monday, March 21, 2011

A Little Girl Stays in a Little Girl's Place- My Path to Becoming a Force to be Reckoned With

If you're anything like me, you might find yourself struggling to show people who you are as opposed to being pushed over.

With a few crazy days at work and a handful of unnecessary complications at my post-secondary institution (not to mention just life in a general sense), it is becoming more and more apparent to me that I actually do have to "raise my voice", so to speak- in order to be heard.

Now, I guess I can see why people have a hard time not being condescending in my presence- being a woman of short stature and youthful appearance (oh, you!), it is not unusual that I face everyday difficulties ranging from a customer questioning my validity as a cashier to being I.D.'d when ordering a Caesar (my FAVOURITE!) at a restaurant or bar or what have you.

Even so, the truth is that I am a 23 year old WOMAN who is literally on the cusp of venturing out into the big, bad world of so-called reality. There should be nothing holding me back from taking life by the balls.

One of my bosses always tells me that I shouldn't let the things disgruntled customers do or say get to me; but it's much more than the initial insult- it's the simple fact that there are many people who don't take me seriously.

Well, I'm no professional at this whole "I'm here and can legally drink beer- get over it" thing, but I've decided that by practicing my man-up skills, I will eventually be naturalized in the ways of self-assertion and the age-old act of holding my own. Here are some things I do that I like to think are working, as applicable to the workplace, school, career searching and casual scenarios...maybe you can do them too:

1. "Bodily Functions"
- literally stand up tall- they tell me that posture implies power. HUZZAH!
- eye contact- constantly looking away really does give people the impression that you are either shady or f*cking scared.
- relax! making one's self into a ball is not going to make complicated interactions with other people go away. Also, you look like a tool.

2. Climate Control
- this week alone, I have been yelled at by like, 3 customers for things that I literally am either bound my employer to adhere to, or simply cannot control. speaking calm and rationally about these facts keeps you from curling up instinctively into a fetal position, and makes other people at least partially aware that you do in fact have a firm position.

3. Always be SPORTIN' or ROCKIN' something
- Some post-modern theorists assert the idea that we are becoming "cyborgs"...extending ourselves through the things we use/wear- I say the future is now!
- yeah yeah, it's not all about your external appearance...but it still helps!
- Whether it's my knee-high boots, a delicious shade of nail polish, winged-eyeliner or just a plain ol' good hair day, I always make sure I leave the house with something about me that I can "rock".
- This kind of thing can make you feel all kinds of awesome/hardcore.

4. You Are the Hottest Person You Know
- Oh me! I can be so secretly vain that it's hilarious.
- I dunno about you, but SELF-LOVE really cheers me up.
- On the rare occasions that I can achieve this mentality (remember, it's the practice that will make it last), I feel like one of the most intelligent, lovely and resourceful people that I know.
- you can remind yourself of this by revisiting your favourite goals and achievements...for example, I got TWO A+'s today, ladies and gentleman. I f*cking rock!
- . . . okay, so, in execution, it looks easy...but it can take time!

These are the things I am trying on for size right now. An honourable mention might be thinking about other people that inspire you. I have a secret crush on actress Keira Knightley- thinking about her confident mannerisms makes me want to...emulate her, obviously! Don't be a pervert.

Feeling like you are being talked down to, or not taking seriously, can be a pretty discouraging for anyone. If this happens to you often, take it upon yourself to let the world know you're here! I feel betterrr already.

I'm sleepy.

Love, Tasha

P.S. Happy Birthday Mummy!!!! Hope you had a great day!