Monday, October 18, 2010

Here Today; Gone Tomorrow

So I get this weird text from a co-worker who tells me she's on the bus talking to my ex. "Oh geeze", I thought. Somehow, from that one text, I knew this serendipitous meeting between the two of them would come back to me. I texted back something like "wow...I'm so sorry".

My last break up, much like the one before, was a dirty affair in which I ended up not being able to deal with the insane behaviour I apparently have a knack for sparking. In the end, it was not worth it to even try and reach some sort of amicable understanding; things had just gone too far.

In a relationship that had good moments, I was generally unhappy. Like most things, one tries to keep going to see how things will pan out, and in this instance, it was just simply not meant to be.

A few days after my co-worker texted me, we were finally on a shift together where she told me of the words swapped between them. As I half-expected, Mr. Wonderful did indeed decide to bring me up in conversation.

He had seen me with my new boyfriend. He was happy for me. But he wished we could stay friends...after all, he sacrificed sooo much to be with me.

At first, I was fuming. My new boyfriend is not his concern, and I could really care less if he was happy for me or not. As for the bit about sacrifice, I'm pretty sure I had no other real friends aside from him and friends I met through him. I also rejected many social opportunities for the sake of his comfort and wavering self-esteem.

But then, to further analyze his behaviour, I realized I was only acting in the way he wanted me to. My co-worker and I are pretty good friends, but as a person who had hardly ever exchanged two words with her, it was rather odd that he should be sharing his feelings on a ruined relationship with such specificity. Of course, he knew it would come back to me. Still long over, he was continuing the very petty games I had resented him for.

Upon this realization, I just shrugged my shoulders at the entire incident. What's done is done, and if I were to go back to that era in my life, I'd only be ignoring what I have in front of me now: a wealth of self-achievement and someone I'm pretty sure is the love of my life.

I guess the point is, long and serious relationships take a while to leave us once they are over. In the end though, don't worry about spending so much time being angry or hurt about what has passed, and for Chrissakes, don't revisit it. It won't be worth the time and effort you put forth. I have a choice to just be glad that I am on a new chapter in my life "saga", and I am going to take it.

Love, Tasha


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