If there was any one, ridiculous word I could use to describe myself to other people, the word would be "fairy". And no, it's not just because I am short in stature with a tinkly voice and a rainbows-and-cupcakes disposition, nor is it only because I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body.
In the book "Peter Pan" (one of my all-time favourite books EVAR on the PLANET), J.M. Barrie said: "Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change."
Tinkerbell is always experiencing emotional extremes- sometimes she's mellow and content, other times she's jealous and bitchy and convincing people to try and kill Wendy.
I myself feel like I am only capable of hosting one feeling at a time. Mainly because, at the best of times, a happy feeling will surround me and wrap me up in a warm blanket of muffin-y loveliness. At the worst, negative feelings will consume me until all that's left is a sad little nymph that no one wants to be around, all shreds of hope so far from reach.
Why is it so difficult to find a balance between the two?
Change is possible...but it has to be for real.