.M o a r Than a Wo m an.

I would definitely be the biggest liar if I said that as a  person in her mid-twenties I have learned everything about who I am and am entirely confident about it. I know there are many people who maybe don't feel the same, and if this is true I am envious. I have found that trying to reach that end-all, be-all of solidifying my identity in this life has been a consistent struggle. And you know, I used to feel angsty about this, wondering why in my twenties I should be as stunted as a fifteen-year-old, feeling confused, awkward and much of the time alone. Cue the Taylor Swift and let me daydream about Edward Cullen or whatever it is these days. And shamefully, it took me up until very recently to figure out that actually, the secret to this continuous internal battle really does come in the form of the redundant, cliche and somewhat simplistic notion of being yourself . I also realized recently, through a series of both successes and disappointments, that the most important comp...

And so, because watching indie films on Netflix+ a bottle of wine + cleaning out one's closet equals a brief moment of clarity, I will finally be composing a blog entry that has been about six days in the works. As in, I wanted to say something profound regarding New Year's, but ended up not for various reasons such as: a) writing and then realizing it was shit. b) other people reading it and realizing it was shit (which, eff you, my resolution for this blog is to just write what's really there, sans sugar-coating) c) being in situations where although my brain is thinking about writing, my body is physically unable to conduct such a feat at the time. To be honest, my intentions for how to proceed with the New Year are very vague and not really itemized. Typically, I am one to take every opportunity for new beginnings, with things like my birthday becoming pinnacles for new progressions towards self-improvement and a change in attitude that will eventually make me hap...

It's weird, most nights I figure I can't sleep because I'm stressed or depressed. And yet, tonight, although I do have some things weighing on my mind, I can't sleep because I am enthusiastic about myself, and generally happy with life despite everything. I know so many of my blog posts are either vague or superficial, and that's because I want to tell you all about me without giving too much away. Seriously, I know, this doesn't make any sense because a blog is meant to not even be shared, but rather... exposed . And so, that is how I will try to approach it from now on. In late September, I ended a two-year relationship. Like, REALLY ended it. Things were about a year past being frustrating, and though I tried very hard to remedy the feeling, I felt stuck. At a "dead-end" to be the most generic and unoriginal as possible. I told him to give me back my apartment keys and leave. And so he did, and never looked back. The only time I saw him after ...

WHAT I WANT MY 25TH BIRTHDAY TO LOOK LIKE: One Dreamy McDreamerson and a birthday cake. PLUS  One party of irresponsible, British teenagers? Well, not quite. But you know what I mean. WHAT MY 25TH BIRTHDAY MIGHT *ACTUALLY* LOOK LIKE: Self-explanatory. PLUS POP AND CHIPS, YO! Love, T. xoxo

It hardly ever makes sense to set my alarm for 6:30. Though a logical time for me to wake, in order to shower, style my hair, do my makeup and go through the pain of choosing today's sad excuse for "business casual", I will most likely reset it for 6:45. Then 7:00. Then after that I'll lay in bed and listen to the news, if I'm lucky. Sometimes I have to go to the washroom, though, or the cat is begging to cuddle me to death behind my malfunctioning bedroom door. Much of the time, the reasons to stay in bed and close my eyes to the world often outweigh the reasons to roll out of the warmth and dreamy-ness. Go to work, check my phone neurotically, wonder endlessly about the direction my entire life will take. It helps, perhaps, to approach every day as the first of the rest of your life. -T

It's on nights like these, when there's no one left to talk to, that I take to my blog. Only, most of the time I don't publish, because what I want to say, I ultimately decide to keep to myself. Currently, I feel snuffed out. I think I'm either on the verge of breakdown or alternatively, revolution. It's certainly tense. Anyway, I'm back again, in the most unceremonius way possible. Based on a simple recommendation from a friend, I share with you a song from my top ten. Top ten with lyrics that is, since instrumental would require yet another list. Don't ask me to explain the vid. Just listen! -T.  

When it comes to looking back It's a terrible habit indeed When you reminisce about he who lacked and could not suit your needs It's a terrible thought to ponder That you let him(s) get so close And you really begin to wonder Why the fuck it was he(s) you chose. He(s) said you were a different person And perhaps this fact became true Particularly when he(s) spoke of ANOTHER person(s) Instead of focusing on you. Why should he(s) deserve who you really are When this whole time you tried to be you, He(s) imagined others with which he'd go far Not giving a shit about what he could lose His('s) easily swayed attention was less than a desirable trait, Affecting one's own self-perception And breeding an impeccable hate You don't get to see past the gate When you're too busy with your head up your arse Altering my psychological state and treating my feelings as farce. but alas, it was all over ages ago Dark times and lame lads behind My real self now only will show ...