.M o a r Than a Wo m an.

When it comes to looking back It's a terrible habit indeed When you reminisce about he who lacked and could not suit your needs It's a terrible thought to ponder That you let him(s) get so close And you really begin to wonder Why the fuck it was he(s) you chose. He(s) said you were a different person And perhaps this fact became true Particularly when he(s) spoke of ANOTHER person(s) Instead of focusing on you. Why should he(s) deserve who you really are When this whole time you tried to be you, He(s) imagined others with which he'd go far Not giving a shit about what he could lose His('s) easily swayed attention was less than a desirable trait, Affecting one's own self-perception And breeding an impeccable hate You don't get to see past the gate When you're too busy with your head up your arse Altering my psychological state and treating my feelings as farce. but alas, it was all over ages ago Dark times and lame lads behind My real self now only will show ...

So, aside from the obvious, I find that my time in the shower tends to be devoted to the contemplation of life's most complicated matters. For some reason some of the deepest thinking I do takes place under a stream of hot water, almost like a state of hypnotism; I soul-search, I ponder, I resolve! Sometimes a thesis for an essay will pop into my brain and I will then curse because I have no pen and paper for which to write this fleeting moment of brilliance down. Other times, I will mull over a world issue or some sort of controversy with someone I know and formulate a strong stance on the subject for which I can later present. Today, I was thinking about myself in a very psychoanalytical type of way. Stemming from thoughts of my adorable boyfriend, I got to thinking about past relationships and their effects on my psyche. Sometimes I think about this when I wonder why I have the insecurities that sometimes plague me. The main problem, or at least what *I* thought was the problem ...